don’t judge mum/dad

there were once i was having lunch with my first born at a shopping centre where i saw a kid around 2yo crying and walking around. The mum later appeared behind and took him away while he is still crying.

“aiyo, why the kid is crying so hard?” said by the passerby

i was thinking “that’s none of your business.”

this reminds me of my experience with my 3yo xh. she was very delighted to go shopping centre at first. when we about to reach, she suddenly had a melt down FOR NO REASON. if you think i might be wrong, i am VERY VERY certain that she just suddenly throw tantrum out of no where and started crying when we almost reach the shopping centre entrance. my first born was with us and he can vouch for me. she cried so hard that no matter how hard or whatever method we tried, we couldn’t stop her. we had no choice but to let her finish crying. the episode took almost an hour, and in the midst, we attracted many attention. some passerbys tried to interfere maybe because he thought that i am a bad mum who ignore a crying child. some tried to coax her with sweets. of course, nothing works until she felt tired from the crying and starts to calm down. and finally appleased her with a strawberry milk. 

here is what i want to say, DON’T JUDGE A MUM/DAD!

you simple know nothing about the child and what happened before and after. just because the kid is crying doesn’t make the mum/dad a bad one. please be informed that crying is a type of communication/expression that a young kid often use. unless you witness the mum/dad physically abuse the child, you may wish to report to the police immediately. otherwise, PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

thank you very much.

谢谢。

terima kasih.

நன்றி

ありがとうございました

고맙습니다

sharing is caring : episode 1

“sharing is caring” everyone knows this. but how can we teach our children to share?

scenario 1: xh got angry, threw tantrum and being rude to her two elder brothers when she could not choose her desired video on youtube. the reason simply because it’s not her turn yet. she has to wait for two elder brothers’ turn before hers. she got impatient and threw tantrum.

the previous solution: i had to take out my tablet and let her watch on her own and the brothers watch theirs on tv.

results: xh is not co-operative. often threw tantrum and being rude to her brothers.

i was thinking “this isn’t right. we might have resolve the immediate problem. but subsequent, the same issue happens, she became more impatient and does not show respect to her brothers. i need a right solution to make sure that xh waits for her turn patiently and show respect to her elder brothers.

me : “meimei, you need to wait for your turn patiently.”

xh : 😡

me : “meimei, you must be happy that as least you can choose. daddy and mummy NEVER get to choose! everytime, da ge choose, er ge choose, meimei choose, how about daddy and mummy?” *fake cry* —> drama mama

xh : looked stunted

me : “i NEVER choose before! HOW...!?!?” *fake cry* —> drama mama

xh : calmed down and she hugged me.

me : “you see? da ge have to wait for er ge and you, er ge has to wait for da ge and you. all three of you have to wait, no one has higher priority.”

xh : looked at me quietly as if she can understand <— i hoped she really did.

me : “so can you wait patiently for your turn?”

xh : nod her head

do you think this is end of story? neh. parenting is about patience and consistency. you need to consistent in your teaching and also consistently remind them along the way.

now i finally brought the correct message across, and i will consistently remind her using the method above to make her realised that everyone has to wait patiently for their turn. no one has higher priority over another.

😊

i’m back!

it’s been some time since my last post. now i am back with more experience to share. here is an update on my family nucleus.

mummy >> me

jw>> eldest son aka “da ge”

jy >> second son aka “er ge”

xh >> daughter aka “meimei”

basic infomation updated in 2018:-

i am a full time working mum + part time masters degree student + “maria” at home. occassionally, my sisters and in-laws will help to look after the kiddos when i am having my night classes or other matters. my focus on all my children is instill right moral values and good manners.

jw, age 7, P1 student at a regular neighbourhood primary school. he is exceptionally good at academic learning, but poor in emotional control. my focus on him is guide him how to better manage and express his emotions.

jy, age 5, K1 student at full day childcare centre. he has very good EQ and motor skills. my focus on him is to help him build confidence and foundation in his academic subjects to prepare him for P1 in 2020.

xh, age 3, N1 student at full day childcare centre same like jiye. she is the most “spoilt” child because her two elder brothers dote her so much and always let her have her way. my focus on her is to learn how to respect her brothers and learn the good qualities from them respectively.

always remember that:-

“every child is different”

“no child is perfect”

“every child is precious to their parents”

“there is no naughty child. there is only child who needs our attention”

as the child grows and they will reach different age stages, their needs may change. therefore we need to observe them regularly and review your parenting styles to see if they still match with your child’s learning and needs.

Children Loves Digital World?

"mommy, i want handphone!" -- referring to iphone

this sentence is so common and its happening to younger & younger children. why?

i thought they are just purely love to use digital device because of its interactive feature. 

think again. it is true? i asked myself. then, i did a little experiment. 

i used to look at my iphone frequently on social medias, messages etc. whenever i was on my phone, my elder son, aged 3 years old would pester me to let him watch youtube on my iphone.

in my experiment, i kept my iphone away whenever i was with my elder son. initially, he asked for my iphone but after a couple of time, he seemed to got over the obsession of watching youtube on my iphone! eventually, he stopped pestering me for letting him use my iphone!!! 

since then, he only asked for my iphone whenever he caught me using it. *umm*

conclusion: your children loving digital devices is it because they really loves it or is it under the influence of their parents, that is you? 

you can find out the answers by carrying the experiment out!

to understand, be understood

how many mommies encountered the following issue with their toddler.

"why can't you do it right?"

"why you not listening?"

"why you don't follow instruction?"

"why are you throwing tantrum again!"

to be frank, i encountered all of the above when my boy is about 1.5 - 2 years old.

i wondered why my toddler could not understand me and be co-operate with us to make our lives easier. the matter of fact, we are the ones who do not understand them, causing them to misbehave. physically they are not able to express their emotions and thinking effectively, hence causing the act of "misbehavior" to attract our attention or even protest against us for not understanding their needs.

you might be thinking "how do you know that your toddler misbehave because you do not understand him?"

initially i don't. i threatened him with cane and punished him at his "naughty corner" several times. but none works. i was at my wit. i know this is not him (my boy) and there must be a way to resolve this. thereafter i started to recall that he once was a co-operative boy, when this behavior had started and how it had became worst each time.

then i realized we had been neglecting him due to work commitments and putting "me" time as priority. We fetch him home from childcare after work and when we reached home, we fed him and left him to play with his toys by himself. My hubby and me, will do other stuff, except interacting with him (my boy). since then, he became more and more short tempered and started to throw tantrum. when i told my hubby, he totally agreed to my analysis and we started to give him more attention and have more playtime together. 

to our surprise, all the misbehavior vanished into the air within a few days from our first "solution implementation". this incident is a waking call for us. reminding us how we must consistently show our love and attention to our love ones to build effective communication bridge with them. only when we put in effort to understand them, we will be understood.

and of course, every toddler is different and have their own needs. much effort and self reflection will do the job, if not seek professional advice. just my 2 cents worth. :)

have a good day!